After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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