1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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