Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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