a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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