just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
