can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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