david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
