I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
