So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
