I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
