Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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