His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
