low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
