Apparently you make a good broom.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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