yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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