I wish i was in the wii world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
