walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
