I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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