Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
