he told me I talked like a deaf person
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
