So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
