Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
