listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I looked at my own cervix.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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