I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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