Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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