the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
