It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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