Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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