Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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