just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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