I think my vagina is haunted
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
