Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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