Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
