Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
