am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
