I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and i looked up. we had an audience...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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