Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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