Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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