dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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