I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
