where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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