**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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