there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
