i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
