my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He passed out mid-signature
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I forget how to act sober
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
