Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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