it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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