So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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