Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
