i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
