Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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