Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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