I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
