Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
