Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
