my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
