I think i peed on brittanys purse
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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