i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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