i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
