4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
