Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
