Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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