Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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