Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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