shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
