Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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