now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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