He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
