so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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