I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
