It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
