Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
