My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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