You can't special order awesome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
