I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
