you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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